please excuse the language, it's how I feel right now - if you're offended by the 'f' word, skip this entry. Seriously.
So I'm having such body issues right now. I hate myself.
It doesnt matter how many times Kim says she loves me and all of me, it doesn't make me feel any better.
I never felt so beautiful as I did when I was pregnant. I felt good about me. I joked about being the size of a rhinoceros but the truth is I admired myself and my stomach every time I was near a mirror.
I knew that once I had the baby I would be fat again, but who would care? When I had a beautiful baby to show for it.
Thats what fucking sucks about being a deadbabymama. When people look at me they don't know that i had a baby. They just see me.
I feel fatter now than I did a month ago. My stomach is flabby and squishy and my thighs are fucking massive. I can't wear my old clothes and be damned if I'm wearing maternity clothes.
I'm angry, and frustrated, and just...angry.
Fuck.
I feel fucking disgusting.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
The Life of Caden
- July 8th 2007 - we found out we were expecting
- July 21st 2007 - our first ultrasound - it's a Speck!
- Sept 8th 2007 - our second ultrasound - look at you jump!
- Oct 17th 2007 - ultrasound - you were so small
- Oct 30th 2007 - another ultrasound - still so small. and you have a cyst on your brain. they keep saying it's nothing to worry about
- Dec 1st 2007 - we started buying the big things - it was so exciting
- Dec 25th 2007 - your first Christmas. you were spoiled
- Jan 2008 - we finally named you - our little Caden James
- Feb 15th 2008 - spent the night at the hospital. they said nothing is wrong
- Feb 23rd 2008 - planned baby shower - but we cancelled it
- Feb 26th 2008 - you died
- Feb 27th 2008 - you were born. 37 weeks - 3lb 7oz - 37cm long
- March 5th 2008 - we buried you
- March 30th 2008 - we had your memorial party
- Forever - we will love you
Looking for a good read?
On Our Side of the World it's
2 comments:
I'll never be offended by your language, Brooke.
But I wanted to give you a hug. I may not have anything profound to say, but I am here, and I will always be here.
It's not like we have enough to feel shitty about already. I totally get this, Brooke. At least if we had had the opportunity to take our babies home we'd have an excuse, eh? Now, we've got nothing at all except lots of time to feel shitty about our bodies, about our this fate, about everything really.
Post a Comment