Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Caden's Story part two

We got into the hospital and went straight to womens assessment. I think I was supposed to be there at 5, or 5:30, whatever time it was we got there just after. There was a heavily pregnant bogan looking woman there in the waiting room and I looked at her jealous and all. The girl on the desk was on the phone and we stood there for ages. I wanted to tell her why we were there, make her feel bad. When she finally got off the phone I told her my name and she said to take a seat and someone would be with me soon. We sat down and everything seemed normal. I felt this need for everyone to know why we were there. Because I knew I looked like every other pregnant woman. Kim said to me “is it sadistic of me to want to tell her? To make her feel bad?” haha we think exactly the same way.

Another woman called us and put a hospital bracelet on me. The hospital bracelet I am still wearing. We walked up to labour and delivery. It was surreal.
They put us in room 1. The midwife came in, Olivia, and introduced herself, said they put the stillbirths in this room so we are away from most of the babies but unfortunately it is the nature of the place that we may hear babies crying. She apologized. I said it was fine. I chose not to put on the hospital gowns laid out on the bed. We sat and ate our Subway together. Olivia offered us dinners but we chose to eat our Subways instead.

Everything from here out blurs a little but I will try and write as much as I remember. Olivia told us that we could get the TV on if we wanted but we had to go downstairs to pay for it. Because we would have to wait for the drs to come in, we decided to go together. It was strange walking through the hospital like that. I commented how our prenatal class was going on at that very moment in the same hospital one floor away. Kim said she hoped we didn’t run into any of them. I wanted to in a sadistic way. I wanted them all to know this tragedy we were in the middle of. I still don’t know why. We paid to get the tv on in any case, and went back up.

We were waiting around for ages. Another doctor came in and said they wouldnt do an amnio on me (which the first doctor had suggested) because if the baby has been passed for a few days it wont reveal much, and they could get adequate samples from the baby after the birth, as we had agreed to an autopsy. He was really emotional. More than we were in fact. He went through what we would do, and that was about it. Well, thats all I remember.

Eventually the midwives came back in, they had to do an internal on me, so off came the pants and I lay there while they checked me and inserted the first lot of gels to dilate my cervix.

My pants never went back on. When I had to, I went to the bathroom with no pants on. Then there was the drama with the IV. I have delicate veins at the best of times. Two nurses tried in my right hand. It hurt so much – it was just the worst pain. Before they tried a second time they thankfully gave me a shot of local anesthetic. Because they didn’t get it that time either. Then they tried on the left side. No luck. They were about to go into the cubital fossa (not good) when the anesthetist arrived and took over. She said she didn’t want the cubital fossa as I wouldn’t be able to sleep properly. It took her a few goes as well but she finally got it in my left wrist. Later on in the morning it was hurting and the nurse flushed it out and holy shit that hurt. Apparently there was a clot. Ouch.

Olivia brought in some booklets about stillbirth etc. I got one sentence into the teddy love club brochure and read
“An angel in the book of life wrote down your baby's birth.
Then whispered as she closed the book
"too beautiful for earth”
and started bawling my eyes out. We cried some, then stopped. Never cried in front of Olivia much, she kept saying we were so brave.

Anyway. We watched some tv and Olivia made up a bed for Kim to sleep on. She said we could snuggle in together but the bed is a pretty tight fit. We snuggled for ages but eventually Kim went over to the bed. She gave us both sleeping tablets. Kim slept. I didn’t really. I kept waking up. I had a read of some of the literature that Olivia had left for us. Cried a bit off and on.

In the morning I was awake before Kim. We got our breakfast and I got another dose of gels. They didn’t really do an internal or anything. At some point Kim was looking out the window and saw Kate running with Jess lagging behind on her bike. Kim commented on how her friends are always close by, even when we dont know it.

I was feeling contractions about every three minutes but they weren’t too bad. They gave me the option of having an epidural, pethidene shots, or a PCA – patient controlled anesthesia. I wanted the pethidene and an epi, but they said the PCA would be good, it’s connected into my IV and I push a button every 3 minutes to release 1mg of fentonyl. I used it through the morning. We mostly watched TV and let time go by. I think I had a third dose of gels. Olivia originally said they would break my waters and start the drip to “blast the baby out”. But that day she told us we would just have the gels, and they wouldn’t break the waters because they had more effect on dilating me to get the baby out, because he was so small.

Mum rang at 2pm just after Days of our lives started. I was feeling the contractions more at this point but nothing like when I was in labour with Rory. I hung up because the midwife had come in to speak to me. I called her back in and she asked if they were stronger yet. I said they were. She asked if I wanted the epi yet or a bolus of fentonyl (basically one big shot). I said the fentonyl, didn’t think I was ready for the epi yet. She walked out and I had a huge strong contraction. They were about 1 ½ minutes apart and I called her back and said I changed my mind I want the epidural now.

From there it all went like lightning. I was in so much pain. I was begging for something but there was no time for an epidural. They called someone in to get me the bolus of fentonyl. I started saying I needed to pee. It felt strong, but not like I needed to push. They were trying to unhook the IV so I could go to the bathroom. Then all of a sudden it changed and I needed to push. So I did. Not long after I felt like he was out. I asked if it was him and they said no, it’s the waters (okay that confused me…but anyway. I don’t remember my waters breaking at all but I know after it all I was saturated by so much water). I kept pushing. The nurses were almost yelling at the anesthetist to get the fentonyl into me. About a minute after they finally got the fentonyl in he was born at 2:41pm.

All in all my labour was eleven minutes from when I asked for the epidural to his birth.


G said...

I am so sorry. It all seems so surreal, doesn't it? I don't know why the fact that you had to pay to watch tv bothers me.


Amy said...

I just found you on babylossdirectory. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. This is such a hard road to be on. I wish you peace in the future and during all of your days.

Becky said...

Oh Brooke, I'm so sorry. Like g, I am furious that you had to pay for TV.


Chris said...

Hi, My thoughts are with you all.


Ashleigh said...

I am so sorry...I wish I could say more...


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