Having to say goodbye...

Cadens burial is tomorrow. I am excited to see him again, but scared of how it will be to have that closure and have him in the ground. We went out to the memorial park yesterday, I felt I couldnt turn up for the burial and have that the first time I saw where he would be. It was truly a blessing that I did because I went into the office to see where exactly in the babies area he would be. I was told he wouldnt be in the perinatal section because it was full. He would be just adjacent to it. I broke down and firmly told them no, he would not be there. He had to be in the perinatal section. I was freaking out thinking I would have to find another place...They got someone to come out and talk to me, and he told me that there were a couple of places in the perinatal area and they would put him there if its what I wanted.We feel so lucky that we went out there - it would have been awful to turn up on the day and be faced with that.

Kims great grandparents and her grandfather are buried in the same park - it is a massive place, but we found that her great-grandparents are buried so close to the childrens garden and they overlook it, straight into it. Her Paha (grandfather) is up at the gates so we feel he is guarding the entrance. Nanny C (still living) who we are very close to, will be buried with Paha, so Loves entire family will be there with Caden. I feel more at peace with it now, even though stepping foot in that childrens garden felt so very very wrong.

We arent having a funeral, just my mum, Amy, Nanny C and Aunty C will be there. We are doing our own committal. We are playing 3 songs - Over the rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole; Per Te by Jovanotti; and You are so Beautiful by Joe Cocker.

We will have oriental white lilies for him. He will be buried in his orange and blue blanket, with bonds socks on his tiny kangaroo feet, his Caden name blocks, a teddy from R and origami cranes.

We are going in tonight to have his name tattooed on our feet. So he will always walk with us.