Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Angry at the world, Angry at nothing...

I'm so angry. At times I am literally shaking from rage.
It's not directly anger at the deadbaby situation, but I'd have to be incredibly naive to say it's not indirectly related. Just everything is pissing me off at the moment.
In particular, 3 things.
I'm not going to go into it because that just increases the anger and doesn't get my anywhere - just gets me all worked up again!!!
*sigh* it's quite ridiculous really.

I had a sort of fight with Kim the other day.
Slept on the couch.
We're over it now.

But the other anger issues - still festering away. I don't know how to deal with it.
I think I need therapy.

"Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burnt" - Buddhist quote

*********************

Just so y'all don't get all worried about me...I'm not all doom and gloom.
Something cute from the other day.
Out of nowhere - R comes out with "Do you think God is letting Caden have rides on Danny?"
"Yes, I think so."
(Danny is our family dog who died of old age last year)
He can be so sweet when he isnt throwing a tantrum over eating his peas...


Wait a minute.

Isn't it funny how you lose perspective?
I decide to write something cute and not as depressing as I thought I was coming across (people have expressed concern) - and what do I come up with? My son asking whether his dead baby brother is getting to ride our dear old dog.

Fuck me.

You never really are the same after your child dies are you??

5 comments:

G said...

Nope, we never are.

This anger thing, I wear it so comfortably, I am more comfortable in it than other emotions.

When you figure out how to work around it, let me know. Right now I waver between wanting to punch someone in the throat to waiting to curl up in bed and cry.

Hang in there sista and any time you want someone to get angry with you, feel free to email me :)

c. said...

Nope. You're just not.

Cute story. Really.

Thinking of you, Brooke, as always.

Anonymous said...

You're not the same.

Stronger.

Love Blythe

k@lakly said...

Staying the same is overrated. I like the anger quote, it's so true. Best to let anger go or it just eats you alive.
I like the dog story. I think it means your R still thinks of them both as alive and happy. That's not so bad is it?
xxoo

The Muser (aka Beautiful Mama) said...

I love the dog and baby story. Lovely really. Your loss breaks my heart. I'm so sorry.

 

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