Life is just too hard at the moment.
I don't like feeling this way, I hate crying every night - even without being 'sad'.
Some nights I cry without even knowing why. I'm not consciously feeling 'sad', I'm not thinking consciously about Caden, but my subconscious clearly is and the tears fall without me even meaning them too.
Everything is just a struggle.
I wish people understood that getting out of bed is a struggle for me, let alone all the crap they keep heaping on top of me. I can't handle having to co-ordinate builders, and deal with flight itineraries, and doctors, and work, and everything.
On the overwhelmed note, Kim's mum is sick. She's coming down for a few months for chemo. While I am glad we will all get to spend time together (they live on the other side of the country and we normally see them once a year) I hate that they are coming down for this reason. I am scared, Kim is scared.
Is 2008 over yet?
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The Life of Caden
- July 8th 2007 - we found out we were expecting
- July 21st 2007 - our first ultrasound - it's a Speck!
- Sept 8th 2007 - our second ultrasound - look at you jump!
- Oct 17th 2007 - ultrasound - you were so small
- Oct 30th 2007 - another ultrasound - still so small. and you have a cyst on your brain. they keep saying it's nothing to worry about
- Dec 1st 2007 - we started buying the big things - it was so exciting
- Dec 25th 2007 - your first Christmas. you were spoiled
- Jan 2008 - we finally named you - our little Caden James
- Feb 15th 2008 - spent the night at the hospital. they said nothing is wrong
- Feb 23rd 2008 - planned baby shower - but we cancelled it
- Feb 26th 2008 - you died
- Feb 27th 2008 - you were born. 37 weeks - 3lb 7oz - 37cm long
- March 5th 2008 - we buried you
- March 30th 2008 - we had your memorial party
- Forever - we will love you
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11 comments:
I wish I had something more substantial to offer than "I'm sorry", but I truly am.
Ugh, I hate the cliche, when it rains it pours, but shit, it's true right? I know when my sister's father was sick and she was staying with me, it was so overwhelming. Like you say, its hard to get out of bed. Just when you feel like you are doing that ok, something like this knocks you down. We have cracks all over the china and it doesn't take much to fall apart.
Hang in there hun. I am thinking of you.
xo
g
I only wish it were.
*hugs*
It sucks. It really really sucks. I hope it gets better for you soon.
so, so, very sorry.
i'm still here, checking in on you, feeling sad that you don't have your sweet caden with you and K and R.
you seem so continuously raw, i have no idea, you seem so strong and weak at the same time, i have nothing to say except that i'm here and you don't know me, and i wish you comfort from the pain of being dealt a horrible blow through no fault of your own, to your sweet family that will always be.
Thinking of you Brooke, I know it's hard. It'll get a bit smoother(I don't like the word easier!) with a bit of time.
Let the tears fall, they help to cleanse your heart and mind.
Big hugs to you. Big hugs.
Thinking of you Brooke, I know it's hard. It'll get a bit smoother(I don't like the word easier!) with a bit of time.
Let the tears fall, they help to cleanse your heart and mind.
Big hugs to you. Big hugs.
Thinking of you and wishing that it wasn't so hard right now.
So So Sorry. Hugs.
I am so very sorry and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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