I was driving home last night and caught sight of something that made me smile.
A teenage kid, waiting at a bus stop, dancing.
Like no-one was watching, to music only he could hear.
On the side of a main road - 6 lanes of traffic, without a trace of self-consciousness.
It was just one of those moments where you realise that life can be beautiful. I don't know why it touched me so deeply...but it did. I wanted to yell out the window "You are Awesome!" but I was driving too fast.
Life did not end for me when it ended for Caden.
A dear friend once said that her son "is not his death"
And it's true. Caden is not his death.
And I am not just the mother of the dead baby.
I am the mother of the crazy 6 yr old.
I am the partner of the loving, positive, often clumsy lover of mine.
In hiding from my grief I am not helping myself.
In wallowing in my grief I am not helping myself.
It is all about finding that happy medium.
And dancing as though no-ones watching...
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6 comments:
I had a similar experience while driving before the boys. I was having a very hectic week at work, stuck in traffic and looked in my rear view. A man was singing and dancing away in his car - actually enjoying being stuck in traffic. I think of that often (even now) when I get frustrated or upset and it makes me smile.
It really is all about finding a medium spot. That's a lot harder than people think. Just remember that it's okay to wallow every so often - experience your grief.
(((Hugs))) to you.
Brooke - yeah! Glad you can see a light even if it only lasts a moment - it's a step forward. Caden must be proud
It's a happy medium that is very hard to find. I hope it's possible though.
I love this post from you, it makes me smile! Actually, your dentist post had me LOL too, not at you but with you b/c seriously, how crazy?!?! I hope you're having a peaceful weekend. *muah*
You are so right, you have to FIND the medium and when you do dance away, even if someone is watching!!
b- i liked this post.. i once wrote about dancing for the first time after lucy died as if no one was looking.
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