Friday, June 13, 2008

avoidance tactics

I have realised I have written very little about my emotional state lately. On purpose. Im a big mess. No one really cares anymore. I am expected to be "over this" now.
And I am bitter, and angry, and feel very abandoned.
There are a few things I need to get out on 'paper' and need to write a long, real entry.

But not tonight.

I was tagged by K@laky, giving me the perfect excuse to avoid facing my emotions yet again :)

1. What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was 14, grade 9, hating life, thinking it couldn't get any worse (ha!). Decided to move to Italy. No really, I did.

2. What 5 things are on your to do list today?
as its after midnight I guess it qualifies - 1) ring up all the companies I owe money to and tell them my details have changed AGAIN because I lost my credit card AGAIN
2) get through the day at work without bursting into tears at my desk AGAIN
3) eat. habit of not eating is impacting negatively on my health (who would have thought?)
4) actually do some work at work
5) pack for the trip to Sydney that I should be excited about but i am the opposite.

3.List snacks you enjoy.
Nothing at the present time. But I used to like food. I vaguely remember it.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Buy my family members decent homes.
Use my wealth to shoot me to the top of adoption lists
Fund massive amounts of Stillbirth research
oh so many things but I get depressed thinking about money because we are so. broke.

5. List places you have lived.
Treviso, Italy
Modena, Italy
Granada, Spain
South Australia

6. List jobs you have had.
Legal secretary, waitress, international spy, bestselling author, childcare worker.
(okay only 3 of those are true. You work out which ones ;)

7. List names of people you want to know more about.
I'm fairly sure everyone has done this already...but if you havent... tag! you're it...


Tosha said...

I wish this process could be easier for us. I have a friend that will change the subject if I even mention that I'm sad becaue of my loses. What a friend right? No one wants to hear what we are going through. Every one wants us to get over it "already". It seems as though my online friends have more compassion than my friends!

Busted said...

You don't have to feel over this - I doubt you will ever be. Feel whatever you are feeling. All my love to you and Caden.

I liked your meme - you have lived in such better places than I have (I did the meme last night).

Amy said...

Oh, Brooke, I care, I do, you can't be over this. This is Not, I repeat, NOT, something you get over. We work through this but we never get over it!

I think, I will stick with best selling author and international spy as two that you HAVE done! Although, to be a spy, wouldn't you have had to live other places then Italy and Aust.?

k@lakly said...

You are never supposed to "get over" losing your child. Anyone who says or thinks so is just plain stuipid.
Take as much time as you need and if it feels like it is not getting any better at all, you should contact your MD and seek counseling. This is a huge loss and an enormous life altering event. Don't let anyone minimize you or Caden by telling you to 'get on with it'. Only you will know the right time for each step onthis journey and even then, sometimes you won't know until you have taken one that it was ok to do it.

I'd like to think you're an international spy but I am going to go with bestselling author:)


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