Forgive the radio silence but I have been deathly ill for about a week and a half now. It's supposedly "just a cold" but man, I have never been hit like this by a cold before.
I swear, it's not a cold, it's the PLAGUE!
In amongst all this we are renovating the house which is a HUGE nightmare and my computer/phone/everything has been pulled out of the wall...so no internets for me at home anymore.
I haven't been out to visit Caden since we went out for his 8 month birthday and found it bare. I feel terrible for this because I normally go out quite often. I just can't bring myself to go out there, maybe I'm scared of what I will find this time? I think I'm still mad that other babies toys weren't stolen, and seeing all their treasures still there while mine were taken...well it makes me feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. I can't believe I feel sick when I think about visiting my son...i think this is the worst part about what happened, it has tainted my view of that place, that place that was peaceful and pure to me up until a month ago...
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The Life of Caden
- July 8th 2007 - we found out we were expecting
- July 21st 2007 - our first ultrasound - it's a Speck!
- Sept 8th 2007 - our second ultrasound - look at you jump!
- Oct 17th 2007 - ultrasound - you were so small
- Oct 30th 2007 - another ultrasound - still so small. and you have a cyst on your brain. they keep saying it's nothing to worry about
- Dec 1st 2007 - we started buying the big things - it was so exciting
- Dec 25th 2007 - your first Christmas. you were spoiled
- Jan 2008 - we finally named you - our little Caden James
- Feb 15th 2008 - spent the night at the hospital. they said nothing is wrong
- Feb 23rd 2008 - planned baby shower - but we cancelled it
- Feb 26th 2008 - you died
- Feb 27th 2008 - you were born. 37 weeks - 3lb 7oz - 37cm long
- March 5th 2008 - we buried you
- March 30th 2008 - we had your memorial party
- Forever - we will love you
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9 comments:
(((hugs))) I know you've been a sicko lately. You know reading this just now made me think... what about planting something or having a place outside at your home where you can go to really feel like you're with Caden? I don't know, just a thought since the cemetary has lost its sense of peace for you. TTYL my friend and get better!
I hope you're feeling well.
If you don't mind, I'd like to send you something for Caden.
I didn't get to bury my little boy, he was taken for 'tests' and then cremated. It comforts me to think that he is with my grandma, so visiting her grave is comforting for me. I don't know if you're able to feel close to Caden in any other place, but if you're up for it, maybe it's worth a try?
Ugh, the sickness and renovating, that makes me want to go back to bed!
Don't feel guilty about going out to his grave hun. He is with you always.
I think it's awful that Caden's things were taken, LMH. Disgusting, really. That place would absolutely be tainted in my eyes. It was supposed to be a safe place for Caden, a comfortable place for you. It's turned out to be nothing of the sort...and that's awful.
Hope you're feeling better soon.
(((huge hugs))). That person or people who did that to caden's grave have alot to answer for. What you are going through now is horrible and you shouldn't have to be going through this aswell as grieving. Bastard isn't a bad enough word for this person who has made you feel like this and now to be ill on top of everything. I admire you and the way you are dealing with what life has thrown at you. Thinking of you all.
Love from across an ocean
x x x x x x
I hope you get to feeling better soon; that's a lot of stuff both physically and emotionally to be dealing with when you aren't feeling well.
I hope too you can find another place that you also feel close to your son while this ordeal with the cemetery is being worked out. I still hope they find the assholes who did that; the worst part is that I know here in the states, petty theft and vandalism won't get more than a fine and maybe some community service. I wish the authorities considered this a worse crime, knew it for what it is.
My thoughts as well, maybe plant something in your garden? MY dads ashes were scattered in the ocean off the WA coast..I planted his favouriste rose. That way...I have my special place very close to me.
ABove comment is Pagan from Bloop.
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