Thursday, November 20, 2008

sick

Forgive the radio silence but I have been deathly ill for about a week and a half now. It's supposedly "just a cold" but man, I have never been hit like this by a cold before.

I swear, it's not a cold, it's the PLAGUE!

In amongst all this we are renovating the house which is a HUGE nightmare and my computer/phone/everything has been pulled out of the wall...so no internets for me at home anymore.

I haven't been out to visit Caden since we went out for his 8 month birthday and found it bare. I feel terrible for this because I normally go out quite often. I just can't bring myself to go out there, maybe I'm scared of what I will find this time? I think I'm still mad that other babies toys weren't stolen, and seeing all their treasures still there while mine were taken...well it makes me feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. I can't believe I feel sick when I think about visiting my son...i think this is the worst part about what happened, it has tainted my view of that place, that place that was peaceful and pure to me up until a month ago...

9 comments:

Kristi said...

(((hugs))) I know you've been a sicko lately. You know reading this just now made me think... what about planting something or having a place outside at your home where you can go to really feel like you're with Caden? I don't know, just a thought since the cemetary has lost its sense of peace for you. TTYL my friend and get better!

sacredandscarred said...

I hope you're feeling well.

If you don't mind, I'd like to send you something for Caden.

Rachel said...

I didn't get to bury my little boy, he was taken for 'tests' and then cremated. It comforts me to think that he is with my grandma, so visiting her grave is comforting for me. I don't know if you're able to feel close to Caden in any other place, but if you're up for it, maybe it's worth a try?

G$ said...

Ugh, the sickness and renovating, that makes me want to go back to bed!

Don't feel guilty about going out to his grave hun. He is with you always.

c. said...

I think it's awful that Caden's things were taken, LMH. Disgusting, really. That place would absolutely be tainted in my eyes. It was supposed to be a safe place for Caden, a comfortable place for you. It's turned out to be nothing of the sort...and that's awful.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

tammy said...

(((huge hugs))). That person or people who did that to caden's grave have alot to answer for. What you are going through now is horrible and you shouldn't have to be going through this aswell as grieving. Bastard isn't a bad enough word for this person who has made you feel like this and now to be ill on top of everything. I admire you and the way you are dealing with what life has thrown at you. Thinking of you all.

Love from across an ocean
x x x x x x

KAS said...

I hope you get to feeling better soon; that's a lot of stuff both physically and emotionally to be dealing with when you aren't feeling well.

I hope too you can find another place that you also feel close to your son while this ordeal with the cemetery is being worked out. I still hope they find the assholes who did that; the worst part is that I know here in the states, petty theft and vandalism won't get more than a fine and maybe some community service. I wish the authorities considered this a worse crime, knew it for what it is.

Anonymous said...

My thoughts as well, maybe plant something in your garden? MY dads ashes were scattered in the ocean off the WA coast..I planted his favouriste rose. That way...I have my special place very close to me.

Anonymous said...

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