I have come to realise that no-one really cares about Caden but us.
No-one has ever commented on his anniversary days (not including my amazing online friends who remember him and us every single month).
I commented to my mother just the other day that the 27th is a hard day for me. Her response?
"What...every month?!?"
Err, yes every month. It's only been 8 months, not 50 years. And besides, I'm fairly sure I will still think of him on the 27th of every month 50 years from now.
You know how I said my SIL would go nuts? She didn't. No-one seems to understand the magnitude of what happened the other day. Of someone raping his grave in that way. I feel violated. I feel like he isn't safe there anymore. I wanted to run out there the other day, dig him up and take him home with me.
The explosion of emotion I felt at hearing those words over the phone, the way I simply broke down, shocked me. I fully did NOT expect to react that way, it caught me by such surprise.
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My husband and I both read your blog. Our daughter was stillborn 7.5 months ago at 38.5 weeks. Please know that we care - we talked about what happened at your son's grave the night you wrote about it and how awful that must have been for you. There has been vandalism at the cemetary where our daughter is buried, but thankfully they haven't touched her grave. I would feel so violated if they did. All a parent wants to do is protect their child, and this situation leaves us so vulnerable.
I just want you to know that I care. I've been out here reading for a while, even though I don't often comment. And I care a great deal. I was so angry when I heard about his grave being vandalized. It really takes some nerve for someone to do something like that. :(
Please know thats you are in my thoughts, and in the hearts and thoughts of so many others.
I have to say: I agree. I feel the same way about how much or how little people care.
I care. I care that it's been 8 months. I'm so very sorry you have to be left with the burden of keeping your son's memory alive and real in addition to the heartache you already know.
Thinking of you.
Brooke,
I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I am also sorry that you feel like everyone has forgotten Caden. I always think about you and wonder if your doing ok. I don't know how I would react if that happened to my son's grave. I would be devastated!! I am thinking of you and know that I haven't forgotten your precious son. Take care my friend.
Sarah T.
I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful son. I often feel that nobody cares about my dead baby but my husband and I. This pain is real and I'm sorry it is being dismissed by the people in your life. I CANNOT believe what I read about your son's grave site being vandalized. That is terrible. I can't believe what this world has come to.
I care very much, Brooke. I'm so sorry that you feel like other people don't.
My heart goes out to you. I also feel like I am the only one who remembers the babies I've lost, even their father doesn't care. I feel a twinge of sadness on the anniversaries of their due dates and the dates I lost them. I don't bring it up anymore, it just makes my family and friends uncomfortable. They can't understand why I'd still hang on to the pain of my losses when I have 2 healthy children now. The markers I put at the cemetery for my boys disappeared not long after I put them there, next to my grandma's grave. It's been 3, 4 and 9 years, and I still remember. I said a prayer for you when I read your post, I hope you are able to find some comfort.
I'm sorry for what your mother said, sounds like something mine might say.
Oh Brooke, People are such shits - unbelieveable to think you would run around vandalising graves of babes. For freaks sake. Am so sorry that you feel people have forgotten. I know exactly how you feel.. apart from a couple of sweet girlfriends in my life and of course Daddy and little Luka its just ancient history to most others.. Just another part of the loss and dissappointment how our relationships can alter with family and friends.
I read your blog---I think I saw you on BBC a long time ago, I can't remember when. People DO care, and though no one knew Caden as you did, people still care. Your blog is amazing and Caden was lucky to have you as his mother, even if it wasn't for long in this life. Your love for him is so, so evident.
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