Thursday, May 15, 2008

Bad Things Happen to Good People

Immediately after Caden died I found myself thinking that I must have done something to deserve this. That I must have deserved punishment and I was being punished for something. I ran through all the different reasons in my own head of why I might be chosen to be punished and tortured like this.

And then at some point it came to me.

I wasn’t being punished.

How could being the mother of such a beautiful tiny child be considered a punishment? And as I look around me (figuratively speaking) I see so many other women, good women, compassionate women, loving women, going through the same torture. It can’t possibly be a punishment for wrongdoing. And I have come to believe that we were chosen, to be the mothers of these babies that were not destined to live on this earth with us, because we are strong. We are loving. And we will love these little lost children for the rest of our lives, and honour them in every way we can.

So yes, we were chosen. But not because we were bad people.
Rather, because we are good people.
Because we have it in us to honour these little people in the best way.

It takes an incredible woman to lose their child, and still love and honour them every single day.


G said...

Yah, I think having gone through this has made me more "incredible" - yes, a better person. At least outside looking in. Somedays I feel worse for the wear though, more hateful and cynical.

Yes, though, we were not being punished. This shit just happens sometimes, even to super, super cool people like you and me. If I begin to believe I was being punished for something, I lose a little sanity. And girl, I don't have much to spare.

Amy said...

You are an amazing woman! Absolutely amazing and yes, I do believe that it does make us a bit more incredible for doing this. Working through the grief while not once forgetting why we are working through the grief.

Thinking of you all today and everyday.

Mom to 2 boys +? said...

Well said Brooke! You are completely right. I have heard this and had no way to respond really, but you expressed this so well.

Aunt Becky said...

"It takes an incredible woman to lose their child, and still love and honour them every single day."

You're so right.

Holli said...

Brooke, Our paths are so similar. After I lost Brenna I also thought I had done something to deserve it. I remember asking my husband, "Why is this happening to us?" when I was in the hospital. Then I also had and "epiphany". I realized I was privledged to have had her. My baby was not a punishment. I read your blog often, because I find myself thinking the same things you are writing about.

AlexandrasMom said...

Brooke - that post was amazing. Thank you for helping me see things in a different light!

MTGrace said...

Brooke - Obviously I'm starting from the beginning of your blog and working my way through it.

This entry made me cry. Thank you for that beautiful thought. I needed it today.

Anne Marie


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