Monday, September 15, 2008

6 months + 19 days

So I've been a bad blogger.
I haven't actually been online at all in weeks.
Aside from checking my emails, I've just taken somewhat of a hiatus. Not one I'm entirely happy with, I desperately miss my online community of support, but there are some things going on in my life right now that I'm not entirely comfortable discussing in 'public arenas' such as my blog, or message boards, so I've just been keeping quiet.

I did end up going out to visit Caden on his 6 months.
I wanted to be there for 14:41 - the time he was born, but at that exact moment I was driving there and actually, swearing at a car for cutting me off!
I got 6 balloons in his colours (orange and blue) and wrote some messages for him. I think I wrote a little too much on one of them as it exploded in my hands...I lay with him for awhile, then sent up his balloons.

It was the strangest thing, as I walked into the Children's Garden I got this strong smell, and it was JUST like he smelled on the second day after he was born (I think it was the laundry detergent they used to wash his gown and blanket overnight)
As I was walking out I had the same smell.
So I climbed into the garden and sniffed the blossom trees at the entrance. It was like smelling Caden. I still can't get over just how much it smelled like him. I did a naughty thing and broke off a small branch to take home for Kim (and to sniff on the way home)
Makes me sound a little insane doesn't it?

I have photos at home, will post them tonight.


Samaria said...

No you don't sound insane, I deliberately take my daughter's clothes out her box and fold them as if I've washed them and putting them away for her to wear..Now that's insane.

Mrs. Mother said...

No, not insane at all. I think you sound completely normal. I carried Jenna's urn in my purse for a week because I wanted to be close to her. We do what we have to. I'm glad to see you back.

G said...

Yeah, you're a loon. Just like the rest of us :)

Glad to hear you got the time to visit. Amazing how the sense of smell can pull you back into a memory so quickly.


Aunt Becky said...

I'm not sure, but I think I'd have chopped down the whole tree. Such an amazing feeling, that returning to somewhere else based on smell.

c. said...

Hope you're doing okay. Sometimes being a bad blogger is all I can manage. Just go with it. We have enough guilt weighing on us already.

Would love to see the pics...

Tosha said...

You aren't insane. If I could uproot that tree for you I would.

I've missed you around here. I've been checking for updates, but I know what it means to take a break.

Can't wait to see the pics.

nancy said...

No, you are not insane. I would have done the exact same thing.

Anonymous said...

Yes - I would have had the tree blowing out the back window of my car. ((((HUGS))))) You're always on my mind!



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