absent but still...

Its so hard to know what to write about in here most days. That's why my entries tend to be few and far between. What do you write?

Monday - I miss Caden
Tuesday - I miss Caden
Wednesday - Went out today. Missed Caden.
Thursday - Cried today. I miss Caden.
Friday - Fuck this sucks, why isnt he here with me?
Saturday - Thought about Caden.

I mean really, I dont spend my days in tears. But I do think of him. I don't wallow anymore the way I used to, but I do think of him a lot. More and more as we approach the 2 year mark (still months from now) as i have heard so many people say, year 2 is harder than year 1 and it's true.

This blog was created about him. My other children don't feature here, because this is his place. So it makes sense that I do not write here every day, as I do not have anything new to say about him!

He's beautiful, he is missed, and he is a star now.

Wave of Light

Last night (my time) was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness/Rememberance Day. We did the Wave of Light at 7pm lighting two candles and leaving them to burn all night. One for our Caden, the other for all of the lost babies all over the world.

On FB I posted about it and was overwhelmed by the number of people in my life who were lighting candles for my boy.

Much of the time it feels as though we are alone in this journey. That no-one but us is remembering our dear lost ones. And then a few times a year, we see that they are not forgotten, that people remember them with love and affection, even though they do not speak of it on any other day of the year.

So thank you to my friends who are burning candles for my boy, may his light never go out.