new guilt

I feel a new guilt.
I'm back at work.
And I don't think about Caden all day. I have huge photos of him plastered all over the walls of my desk area and I stare at him all day. But I don't really think about him.
I havent cried in days.
I read the heart wrenching blog entries of the other women living without their babies and I'm jealous.

I wish I felt their pain. I wish I could do nothing but cry all day.
Then I would feel like I was doing him justice. As it is, I feel like I'm failing him more every day that passes. That I'm not enough of a mother to love him so much that I cant live without him.
I wish so much that I didnt have to live without him. I wish he were HERE where he belongs...

and now I'm crying. It seems that all I needed to do was write about him


Baby boy I miss you. I wish you were here with your mamas where you belong. I wish I had more than a blanket and your name on my foot. I wish I had you...